____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
