i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
