talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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