she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
