New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
