I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
