Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
