god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
