well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
