I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
