I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
