he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
