That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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