Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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