I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
