so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
