omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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