I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Someone signed my nipple.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
