There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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