she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
