We named our party play list daddy issues
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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