When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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