Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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