I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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