I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
