By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
