All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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