Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
