i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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