I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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