Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
