Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
