im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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