we made out on top of his cat.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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