Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
