totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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