none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
