just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
