dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
