I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
bring money and cleavage
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
