I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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