When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
