cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
