yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
