I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
