He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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