Your dad touched me again.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
