Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
