somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You took a bar mat shot.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
