I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
