but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
