do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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