everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
