I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
