we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
