your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
